There are many blogs available that can tell you how to get published. However, there is only ONE which can guarantee complete anonymity for your writing. Follow my rules for literary oblivion...

Saturday, 12 November 2011

2) Don't wait for a plot - just write the novel!

So, you've completed your first creative writing course, had 'emerging genius' status conferred upon you by a cardinal of Canadian letters; now this is the ideal moment to write the novel. Don't forget, the world needs your talent and there are hardly any other people out there doing the same thing. Well, there is Margaret Atwood. She was the reason that you applied to that course in the first place; arriving half-way through as a guest instructor.
But I don't think you lost anything by not having the courage to get within fifty yards of her with any of your scribblings. After all, you were there in the talk, when she showed us the large notebooks that she writes in; what else would you need to know? The fact that her piercing gaze, her fame and her habit of not suffering gibbering twerps gladly, had nothing to do with it. I think the strategic stance you took of merely watching her play tennis, while you tittered and tried to take photographs, was the right one. So, it's easy, just make like La Atwood and publish your novel!
Can I recommend here that you start off with something less like a novel and more like a commodious beach bag, into which you can toss a rag tag of anything that has so far happened to you since birth. Preferably this oeuvre should be set somewhere exotic, perhaps on a journey through South America.Make it as rambling and picaresque as possible, think Tristram Shandy meets Tom Robbins.

with a few panpipes for mood

This book is going to be a massive hit. Who could resist? You just happen to bump into someone, whose friend has recently set herself up as a literary agent. So you send her the script, despite the fact that it is single-spaced and full of grammatical and typographical horror. She calls back a week or so later saying that she loves it!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Wildhyperbole,

    At the risk of sounding very much like W.O. your writing has moved me; nothing to do with your Nun trauma and everything to do with your style, wit and excellent turn of phrase. I have read both posts in this blog, and had three reactions/emotions whilst doing so:
    1. Laughter
    2. Excitement
    3. Disappointment. I am disappointed because there is no more!
    Yes, yes and thrice yes - you clearly are an emerging genius. But where’s the rest?
    I may in fact be channelling the spirit of W.O. at this very moment because I find myself with an irresistible urge to wrap my arms around you and say “YOU ARE A WRITER”.

    Please can we have more blog? Or failing that, the complete manuscript of your first novel… soon.

    Two great posts here - thanks for entertaining me. x